The Heretik Reporting From the Mouth of Righteous Hell:
Paris Hilton wasn't even half way down the red carpet here at the
mouth of Righteous Hell when she suddenly tossed what was left of her
Cosmo in my direction. Would have hit me right in the eyes, but
fortunately the drink evaporated to mist in an instant.
But enough about the skanks. If we can't look forward, we can
always look backward, particularly in these backward times. Can it
really be just a year ago ? Has it really been that long since My
First Name Ain't Baby, It's Janet, Miss Jackson If You're Nasty (and
you are) burst upon the scene in a move that raised TIVO stock to high
heaven?
Satan has a favor to ask. He knows voting is hellish, even when all
the votes are counted in this country, even more so when the president
of one country takes credit for votes in another country. Satan wants
to take you back to a time before that, some time before Britney Spears
second marriage and just after the first.
Satan is doing his poll today and he needs your help. I am but his
mouthpiece so don't blame me for how this is phrased. You want to
complain, you gotta talk to the big guy with the tail and the horns.
You can't do that because he's having a pre-arrival check in with
Clinton's people in the Cigar Room.
Work with me on this. A simple yes or no will do. You don't have
to call on the phone to a number that's always busy, you don't have to
pull on a lever, touch a screen, or hang out with Chad. Just think one
way or the other. Yes or no. Satan will take it from there.
Satan wants to know, simple yes or no. The Jackson boob that popped
out got all the attention. Did the other boob feel left out?
Okay, thanks. Thanks a lot. Now I've got to explain to the Prince of Darkness why dying is easy, it's comedy that's hard.
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