The Heretik

Hotties Headed Back to Hell

WHAT BLONDSENSE: When times get tough, the poor get clobbered even in this most Christian of all nations on God's earth that He created for Americans.

Warning: If you click the link below, you most likely will be subjected to some vile language the mere hearing of which will have you walking past The Heretik's desk reporting from the mouth of Hell.  Your decision.  Free Will. Other fantasies of the foolish. Blah, Blah, Blah.  This language has something to do with an intimate act that  the Hotties from Hell feel the Bush administration is engaged in with the Blessed Meek Who Shall Inherit the Earth (Ha, richies!)
: BlondeSense...

Additionally, be forewarned that clicking below through to the next page will give The Heretik's perspective on the intimate Bush acts (intimate Bush acts?). Damnation guaranteed with the click.  You have been warned.  CU soon.

Bullseye:Corey Anderson

The Heretik confesses to nothing.  That is how he ended up at the stake in the flames of  earth and then in the eternal Flames of Hell.  If The Heretik were to confess and if the flames hadn't burnt his pants off, he would tell you American Idle's Corey Anderson makes him pee in his pants.
Here is Corey on TV's hottest new "reality" show.

Link: Corey Anderson: American Idle :

White House: We'll Go to War Again If We Have To

In an off the record conversation, a top Bush Administration official declared, "We'll got to war again if we have to.  We're not backing down on this."

 "We have a crisis here, a crisis in humor," said an unnamed White House source. "If we don't deal with this now,  by 2018 the entire system will flat out bust out laughing."  A reporter from Satirist News Service asked White House Press Secretary Scottie McClellan, "Morale of the troops in Irag has never been lower.  Is it hard for the President to deal with these satirists who can't compromise?"

In other news on the satire front, this just in from: Unconfirmed Sources

Government to Require Satire Site Labeling!

Super Bowl Nostalgia Voting Update

 

The Heretik Reporting From the Mouth of Righteous Hell:

Paris Hilton wasn't even half way down the red carpet here at the mouth of Righteous Hell when she suddenly tossed what was left of her Cosmo in my direction.  Would have hit me right in the eyes, but fortunately the drink evaporated to mist in an instant.

But enough about the skanks.  If we can't look forward, we can always look backward, particularly in these backward times.  Can it really be just a year ago ?  Has it really been that long since My First Name Ain't Baby, It's Janet, Miss Jackson If You're Nasty (and you  are) burst upon the scene in a move that raised TIVO stock to high heaven?

Satan has a favor to ask.  He knows voting is hellish, even when all the votes are counted in this country, even more so when the president of one country takes credit for votes in another country.  Satan wants to take you back to a time before that, some time before Britney Spears second marriage and just after the first.

Satan is doing his poll today and he needs your help.  I am but his mouthpiece so don't blame me for how this is phrased.  You want to complain, you gotta talk to the big guy with the tail and the horns. You can't do that because he's having a pre-arrival check in with Clinton's people in the Cigar Room.

Work with me on this.  A simple yes or no will do.  You don't have to call on the phone to a number that's always busy, you don't have to pull on a lever, touch a screen, or hang out with Chad.  Just think one way or the other.  Yes or no.  Satan will take it from there.

Satan wants to know, simple yes or no.  The Jackson boob that popped out got all the attention.  Did the other boob feel left out?

Okay, thanks.  Thanks a lot.  Now I've got to explain to the Prince of Darkness why dying is easy, it's comedy that's hard.

Martha's Super Bowl Party To Do List

To the Minions:
From the Heretik:

Wish I could be with each and everyone of you for the Super Bowl, but I have this hot assignment watching Paris Hilton walking the red carpet here at the mouth of Hell.  Down here she doesn't look so hot.  I do want to pass you along some tips from MS for your righteous Super Bowl Party To Do Lists.

Martha just got me on the Blackberry. She was calling direct from her prison cell on her prison cell phone she has hidden in I don't want to know where.  Her secret tips to those who believe in eating rich.

1. Gently skewer the yes men before sauteeing them in an open pan for fifteen minutes on a medium flame.
2. If you are feeling manly and simply must eat beef, filet the entire sacred cow and clean up after yourself.

Bush Names New Homeland Security Nominee

President Bush today nominated a new nominee for the post of Homeland Security Director.  White House Press Secretaray Scott MacClelland indicated the new nominee replaces the former nominee who replaced the nominee before that. The actual name of the nominee was not revealed for what were announced as "national security reasons".

An unnamed top Washington insider commented, "The White House is doing it this way because they don't want to see what happened before happen now.  That's not happening."

The Democratic Party response to the unnamed name of the nominee who replaced the name of the previous nominee and the nominee before that was was quick.  A unnamed top Democrat commented: "The White House can't do this and get away with it."

While expressing support for the unnamed top Democrat who commented on the naming of the unnamed nominee who replaces the nominee previously named and the nominee before that, another Democratic strategist carped, "Of course the White House can't do this.  It's a building."

Bush Will Name New Nominee

President Bush today announced he would name another new nominee for the post of Homeland Security Director.  Press Secretary Scott MacClellend indicated that the new nominee would replace the previous nominee and the former nominee before that Bernard Kerik.   Kerik is a  former New York Police Commissioner and former friend of Rudolph Giuliani.

Kerik was recently forced to withdraw his nomination  for "personal reasons". 

Giuliani came down from Heaven to say," I wish the new nominee well, I wish Mister Kerik well.  You know, Mister Kerik and I were never really friends."