The Heretik

GETTING AWAY WITH IT

Dear Quasi:
While I would tell anybody that you agnostics are scum in public, I need to ask you a question in private. I don't know who else to turn to at this point in my life.  I am on quite a roll, but am starting to doubt whether it might possibly be heading downhill. Short of murder, I have gotten away with everything in my life. Will this continue forever?

Sincerely,
Karl R.

Karl, thank you for your question. We agnostics are undecided on whether we take being called scum from the likes of you a compliment or not. The answer to your question is yes and no. Yes, a man without a conscience can get away it forever.  But in the end what he gets away with is not worth having if what matters most is lost.  While we are undecided on whether there is a hell or not, we hope you enjoy your time for all eternity there.

The Quasi have spoken.

 
Do you have a problem with love, life or work?  The Quasi Deist Agnostics are here to help.  Leave question in the comments.  Think the Quasi got it wrong or want to suck up?  You can do that to. 

S AND M AND THE MSM

Dear Quasi:
We haven’t heard from the agnostic deists in quite some time. Like some of our leaders perhaps you just take month long vacations.  I have a pressing question about the press, this thing they call the MSM.  None of the MSM will give me the time of day.

My question concerns S and M, MSM, and MSG.  How is a girl supposed to make any sense of them?  Please tell me how they are any different?  Should I be worried more about the MSM or the MSG?  Do the MSM engage in S and M?  If so, are they the ones who do the S or the ones who enjoy the M? 

What about MSM and MSG?  Is MSM as bad as MSG is for your diet?  I know this is a lot to put on you in one go, but I really need to know.

Sincerely,
Betty Blogger

Betty, thank you for your question. The answer is yes.  Haven't you heard this before?  We must be positive about all things, so the answer is yes.  Yes specifically and yes in general. Yes in private as well.  Your need to know will get you in trouble some day, young lady.

But I can see you more Pandora than Pollyanna, so I will give you the answers that you seek.  Don’t blame me for the consequences. 

The mainstream media (MSM) does engage in S and M.  First the MSM is the M, the masochist half when your leaders jam the stenographers’ pads up the reporters’ cubicles.  Some reporters do like that and it is still legal for now.  Your mainstream press is whipped.

But then the MSM whips up these so called stories and inflicts them on the public. So they are sadists as well.

As far MSM and MSG (mono sodium glutemate), both  are bad in steady diet. Take no more than a sprinkle a day.  Both MSM and MSG make you hungry, but soon leave you wanting more.  Whatever you do, do not take MSM or MSG alone.  You asked, I told.

The Quasi have spoken.

 
Do you have a problem with love, life or work?  The Quasi Deist Agnostics are here to help.  Leave question in the comments.  Think the Quasi got it wrong or want to suck up?  You can do that to. 

ASK QUASI: A Chatty Cat and the Tart This Time

Troubled in Love? Boss a dickhead that's got you down?  The Quasi Agnostic Deists are here to help . Quasi MoDo 

A new question comes from Chatty Cat, who seems rather anxious! 

To the Quasi Whom It May Concern (and I hope it will concern someone because this pussy needs some pleasing plaintively):

Quasi, why can't we all just get along? I don't understand the males in the animal kingdom. You see I am quite used to being called catty. I get in cat fights all the time! After all I am a cat. Some cat eyes my cat meat male and I will just claw her feline face off! What do you think I'm gonna do? I am a cat after all. But then some of the other animals call me a bitch!  Quasi, how can a cat be a bitch?

I know you are busy, but my claws are out so take the hint, okay?

Chatty Cat

Chatty Cat, why can't we get along indeed? 
Unknown to MoDo Maureen Dowd, I, poor Quasi MoDo, would long not to get along with MoDo if only she would notice me.  Then at least we would have some interaction of some kind, negative though it be. Guys live for some response.  But MoDo, the MoDo of the Quasi kind, cant' get no action, can't get no satisfaction, no nothing.  At this point, I would be happy if she, the MoDo of the Dowd kind, would only reject me.  At least then I would know I was noticed, if only for naught.
Has that helped you with your question?  I fear not.  It hasn't much helped me either.  Chatty Cat, if I may invoke the be patient no claws clause, do not rip me a new one just yet.  There is always time for that later and we have just met.. I am passing your question on to The Quasis That Be.  Look for an answer in the coming days.

AN UDPATE FOR THE FOREIGN TART:  The Quasi known as Heathcliff is stll cliffhanging with the Quasi known as Cathy, so Foreign Tart known as Kathy, the Quasi known as Cathy says you have received your just deserts.   Meow.

On a Foreign Tart and a Mule This Time

Troubled in Love? Boss a dickhead that's got you down?  The Quasi Agnostic Deists are here to help . Quasi MoDo 

A new question comes from Missouri Mule, but first a more pressing matter.
A most disturbing  second follow up question comes from A Foreign Tart You've Never Heard Of.

Dear Omega (if I may be so familiar),
I have love for my dog, Alpha, as well. Is that so wrong? Despite what Man-on-Dog Deist maintains, can I not serve two masters--Tom and Alpha--with the same flesh? (I'll not gaze at the droopy jowled ones until further word from the real Quasi.)

A Foreign Tart You've Never Heard Of

Dear Tart:

Quasi MoDo really has quite a crush on you, I suspect, so be gentle with the boy.  At that moment when handed off you question to me just before he ran off to the bathroom to um clean up, he did offer you some wisdom.  Yes, The world truly is going to the dogs! And if the dog gets anxious,  you should draw the line on letting your dog hump only your leg.  Then you have this Tom Friedman fellow.  In his way Friedman is  dog.  Bark, bark, woof, woof, I say, if you are looking for an opinion you can rely on.  Friedman is a dog.  Under no circumstances should you let the droopy jowled one hope your leg or anything else.  Humpwise, most unwise.  And you home dog?  Better to be leg humped by the dog you know than the dog you don't.

The Quasi Have Spoken tm,
Omega

Dear Omega,
I have sinned. I was having lustful thoughts about a horse while I was picking out his stall. My wicked step-sisters said I was going to hell in a handbag. Is this so? I so wanted to go to the bar, I mean ball in a coach.

Signed,
Missouri Mule

Dear Ms. Mule of Missouri:
First I would like to say that I, Delta, Quasi Agnostic Deist, acknowlege your courage in coming forth about your lustful thoughts about your horse.  What girl doesn't feel better after a hard ride in the morning on the stallion of her choice? *sigh*  *double sigh* right back at you.  You are not insane, just horny.

Before you take matters into your own hands (and there is nothing wrong with that), you might want to ask yourself why you have these feelings for your horse?  Please consider this and respond here.  Then I, Delta, will know best how to help you !
The Quasi Have Spoken tm,
Delta

Leave your questions for the Quasi Agnostic Deists in the comment here.

A Foreign Tart and One Tom Friedman? PLEASE

Troubled in Love? Boss a dickhead that's got you down?  The Quasi Agnostic Deists are here to help . Quasi MoDo 

Our first question comes from A Foreign Tart You've Never Heard Of:

Dear Quasi, Father I have sinned. I am in love with Tom Friedman. I know that he is married, and marriage is sacred, unless you're married to a brain dead woman, but I cannot resist his naive tongue, his learned mustache, his pretentious form of dress--oh! I must stop, and draw a line under this madness, as they say in certain countries currently deprived of the presence of Tom, who is not Dick nor Harry. What do I do, Quasi Agnostic Deist?

A Foreign Tart You've Never Heard Of

Dear Tart:
Quasi MoDo asked me to take this question as he is still a little worked up from that comment you posted under the pseudonym of MoDo.  Your desire to do him MoDo wise or otherwise made wise Quasi Modo act unwise in ways of the flesh.  This is most unwise fleshways wise.  So I Omega, the last of the Quasi Agnostic Deists will  try to answer your question while MoDo (Quasi) goes to clean up.  MoDo of the Times doesn't need to clean up as she is already making bank.

But what Quasi MoDo said still applies Friedman wise.  To find your own truth  engage in the quasi religious ritual of your choice, but avoid rituals that involve dogs, particularly if the dog looks a lot like this Friedman fellow. Droopy jowls and droopy opinions could bring you down.  While this Friedman is in fact a Tom, and not a Harry, we are concerned that is a dick and one you should not draw a line under.  That is all for now,

The Quasi Have Spoken tm,
Omega

Leave your questions for the Quasi Agnostic Deists in the comment here.

HIGHLY WRECKOMENDED: Agit Prop!

AGIT PROP (che) APES THE WORLD!

AND THE HERETIK  SAYS OY to:   AGIT PROP "THE VAMPIRE POPE"

AGIT PROP HAS RECENTLY REVEALED HIS TRUE RELIGIOUS AFFILIATIONS:
He is some sort of quasi-agnostic deist

Since The Heretik has been condemned to be some sort of unlucky in love, I was hoping my  some sort of quasi friend could help me out with getting a quasi-question to the quasi agnostic advisor in love.  Here is my question:

DEAR QUASI AGNOSTIC DEIST tm:
Some days I think I am some kind of Quasi Modo TM, a genuinely politically incorrect hunchback in the straight up world of love. Do you have my back on this as it were? And why do people say as it were?

My problem is I am in love with  Maureen Dowd.  Look, deist or agnostic, I am not one of those late night wankers from Penistan thats jacks off my comments one at at time to Atrios.  I  have a life, but it is incomplete with out the mouth they call MoDo.  I would never objectify a woman (or if I did I would not admit it), but there is someting about that MoDo mouth, the way the words come out of it and are left on the page. . . . *sigh* . . . I know there are tons of women bloggers, some of them even "serious."

All of these women bloggers are nice, really nice.  Oy.  None of them will do, at least not the way I would like to be done. 

On top of all this,I realize I may have some legal problems with Maureen Dowd.   With all your wisdom as as a quasi-agnostic deist, do you tnink a Quasi MoDO and and a real MoDo Can Get Along, if you know what I mean?

Any help you can offer would be appreciated.  Thank you.
The Heretik

 

You may leave your further questions for the Quasi Agnostic Deist here. Questions on Quasi Love in the Cyber Age will receive quick quasi real time response