THE FILMS THE FLICKS THE MOVIES suck can’t say suck because a kid might read this are no good anymore. American films flicks movies are too gay, unamerican, and unpatriotic for any ungay, ununamerican, patriot to see. That is why box office receipts are down. Who says so? Tammy The Bruce. Today's movies can go to hell. Or France.
So you can take your gay sheepherder, noble communist supporting reporters, big-business is evil, Americans are hopelessly and inherently corrupt and violent and unfaithful movies and go to Cannes.
THE HERETIK COULD not agree more with Tammy The Bruce. Tammy may or may not be related to Robert The Bruce, the Scot with issues about the morality of being a traitor to his own kind and people in that flick film movie The Braveheart by Mel The Gibson. You may remember The Braveheart, the musical where men made war and love in what look suspiciously like skirts. Tammy The Bruce may or may not be in favor of any or all of those things. Mel The Gibson is making his comeback from the bank his movie about the First Coming of Jesus and may not be available to save Hollywood from itself for another year. What are America and Tammy to do? Where is our home born hope?
WHAT AMERICA NEEDS is a return to its roots. And who better to lead us there than a man with foreign roots? More action fare featuring brainless violence is what the people want. Arnold needs to come back to his first job. Or his second job. The one after he was an um bodybuilder, posing in a small suit that well displayed his large um talents. Lead us, Arnold, to moneymaking movie Mecca. Bring us to the Hollywood Holy Land of Profits, if not prophets.
THE HERETIK PROPHESIZES that the profits and cash would soon be back in LA LA land and Tammy The Bruce might be happy then too. No more too gay, unamerican, and unpatriotic American films for ungay, true American patriot Tammy Bruce, whom The Heretik was surprised to see calls herself an openly gay, pro-choice, gun owning, pro-death penalty, voted-for-President Bush progressive feminist. Must be a pro family family thing. It seems more than just Robert The Bruce was conflicted. Quite a story and a movie could be made of Tammy The Bruce’s life. But if the movie of Tammy The Bruce got made, it sounds like Tammy would be the least likely to see it.
MORE MOVIE MADNESS The Most Polite Blogger Echidne has a text message up about Syriana. Richard Cohen lists Syriana in the Who’s Who or What’s What of Hollywood’s Crude Cliches, which is not the same as Hollywood’s Refined Cliches It's impossible to summarize the plot of "Syriana." Most reviewers have called it complicated, often using the term as a compliment. I can tell you from firsthand experience that you will never know what's going on. SYRIANA? Smeariana !
CONGRATULATIONS If you made it this far, you are probably ready for your beverage of choice at Lefty's Lounge. Leave a link and have a drink. Chat about whatever you like. Zeit Geist is serving behind the bar. Special prizes for whoever knows the recipe of the J. Edgar Hoover Highball with an additional bonus if you know what goes in a Roy Cohn cocktail.
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