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What I Read in the Waiting Room of Hell

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From the Tongues of Angels

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June 24, 2005

Comments

Shakespeare's Sister

Not paying as well as they used to, that's for sure! Last night, I was with this 98 year old, who was, to be sure, a talented gentleman, but he expected to pay 1940's prices. At least he covered the meter.

Lance Mannion

Stay away from the old geezers, that's my advice, Sis. We can't be trusted.

Shakespeare's Sister

Heretik, you have a lovely singing voice, btw. Shall we karaoke?

No one can hold a candle to you
When it comes down to virtue and truth
No one, no one can hold a candle to you
And I dim next to you...

Lance Mannion

Mr Heretik,sir! In the immortal words of Lenny Bruce, Fuck you, man! And I mean it with all my heart.

Lance Mannion

Everybody, Fuck you all! I mean it! You all deserve it! You are good people. Fuck you. You're beautiful!

Shakespeare's Sister

Mr. Mannion, I dare say, if an old geezer wants a girl to stay away, he oughtn't be so foxxxxy. There's not a girl alive who can resist the wrinkles and sagging musculature of an old dog with a twinkle in his cataract-glazed eyes.

Lance Mannion

I've got tears in my eyes.

The Heretik

*blush* Sister, I will leave the karaoke to you. Some time when I do karaoke, people tell me I should expect the same fate as Andy Garcia in Black Rain. Sometimes you got it, sometimes you don't. Sometimes you get it, sometimes you won't. Hey, some guy who sounds like he is ninety is on the phone here for you. Something about a half and half?

Lenny Bruce

Take away the right to say "fuck" and you take away the right to say "fuck the government!"

The Heretik

Lance, you are @#$%# killing me, like to @#$%$ death, death and beyond.

Lance Mannion

Lenny!!! My hero! You're beautiful, man. Fuck you too!

Shakespeare's Sister

*dab dab*

There, there, Lance.

Let me get that string of drool from your chin while I'm here, you poor old sod.

Lance Mannion

Thanks, Girlie.

Lenny Bruce

Always remember, Lance, my boy... Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers, will allow you to satirize it...which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

Lance Mannion

You know, I can do only three impressions.

Walter Brennan.

Henry Fonda.

And Dustin Hoffman.

I can't do Lenny Bruce. But I can do Dustin Hoffman doing Lenny Bruce.

If any of the women here can do Valerie Perrine doing Lenny Bruce's wife, I think we might have an act we can take on the road. Or at least take back to my place. I'll pay for the cab, 21st century prices too.

Shakespeare's Sister

Another round, please - and a Scotch for my friend Lenny.

Shakespeare's Sister

If any of the women here can do Valerie Perrine doing Lenny Bruce's wife

CAB!

Aristotle

Lance, congrats on your spawn swimming up the river. Satire is insolent wit, sister.

Lance Mannion

Aristotle, thank you very much. The spawn even knows who you are. He is very well versed in the classics for a kid his age.

Shakespeare's Sister

Satire is insolent wit, sister.

And indolent wit as well.

Aristotle

Someone called me a cab a few weeks ago here, too much Metaxa 7 I suspect.

The Heretik

A smokey scotch out of the bog for you, Lenny, from the smokey voiced wench in the booth with that Mannion fellow. Seems a little um distracted just now. Still hasn't responded on my sad Boston bit.

Lance Mannion

Don't toy with me, sis, I'm very dangerous for an old geezer. If we weren't virtual your marriage wouldn't be worth the paper the license's printed on.

Shakespeare's Sister

Ari, might Aristophanes be stopping by any time this evening? I've always fancied speaking to him about his part in Plato's Symposium. It's my favorite bit.

Lance Mannion

Aristotle, the old jokes are still best. But who would know that better than you?

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