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What I Read in the Waiting Room of Hell

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April 15, 2005

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Missouri Mule

Suzanne Sugarbaker of Designing Women was so right when she said, "There's just nothing better in life than to ride around on the back of a convertible with a crown on your head." Words to live by. I don't have a convertible. I use my pickup truck. I wear my tiara on my cowgirl hat, and do the beauty queen wave, the Miss America wave--back when Miss America meant something; namely, that you were the best-looking thang in the whole country and none of this ridiculous scholarship hooey. The wave changed when they started all that scholarship crap. Scholarship, my butt. Take the crown out of the deal, and see how many contenders you got left. Name me any other scholarship competition in the universe that induces full-grown women to have their back teeth pulled, bottom ribs removed, noses whacked, and tits---well, brains will just never reach the level of popularity, now will they? Show me another scholarship contest that necessitates the application of Firm-Grip to one's buttocks to hold one's swimsuit in place. That's so all those brains don't pop out on the runway, no doubt. Call the damn thing a beauty pageant, and be done with it. Get honest.

eRobin

What's brilliant about that clip is that Donald Trump must have his name on everything he touches. I gotta respect that about him. Class is for loozers.

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