HEARTS UPPITY
WOMEN
(AND HE'S NOT JUST TRYING TO GET LAID IN A VERY RIGHT, VERY SMART, LEFTY KIND OF WAY)
Yes, the hard headed one, The Heretik, has a soft spot. He really hearts the Uppity Ones, the wenches who combine a sense of outrage with a sense of humor. Oy, we could use a sense of humor here.
In the current War on Everything TM, the War Between Fun and Evil TM is a serious front of attack. You can't be serious, Heretik. Do you really believe that The Penis People and the Estrogenated Elite can work together in The Fight That Must Be Won TM?
YES!
Here's what we are all up against:
From Foreign Policy thru
Rox Populi
Recently The Heretik announced via Trish Wilson that he was starting up a Wise Woman blog roll. The Heretik got a note from Ms Populi that said:
To be honest, I'm not as wise as any of the women currenlty on your
role or any who have commented on this post, but I do have something
interesting to say every 3rd day or so. ;-)
Oy, Ms. Populi, you are so wrong! The Heretik knows a strong voice when he hears one. When you work the Desk at the Mouth of Hell TM, you get to hear a lot of strong voices, most of them screams from the far side of the fiery gates.
In the current War on Everything TM and on the Serious Front, the Battle Between Fun and Evil TM, The Penis People and the Estrogenated Elite must unite against those who would dick us all. Let our mutual rallying cry be:DICK CHENEY BEFORE HE DICKS YOU!
In Blogostan today, a new President for Life has been named: PINKO FEMINIST HELLCAT RULES!
If there are any of The Penis People who are asking what can they do in The Fight That Must Be One TM besides offering yet another very original "Fuck Bush" comment over at Atrios, such Weenied Ones are selling themselves um short.
THE HERETIK SAYS GIVE IN TO THE FEMININE SIDE, DUDE (and that feminine side doesn't have to be yours. You can let it be someone else's).
Michael Berube has. Are you saying you are better than him, Fuck Bush Commenter over at Atrios? No one kicks as much ass as Michael Berube unless it is one of Pinko Feminist Hellcats Ministers. (Note to Heretik Self: Trademark Feministers tomorrow. No need not to make a buck in the battle.)
NTodd has capitulated and admitted there are Women Political Bloggers. Kevin Drum is MIA. But enought about the testosterone, on to the estrogen!
Now here they are:
The Poster Womanettes for Women Who Blog in a Political Kind of Way!
Here they are:
The Vixens of Vengeance!
Here they are:
Archangels at The Apocalypse!
Jesus, Heretik, you talk a lot. Get on with it already. It's not like you are giving some kind of command performance like Jesus' General. (Note to Heretik Self: Remember you are no Jesus' General.)
Okay, fine. It's not like The Heretik has feelings. No feelings, none. But The Heretik would admit that when you work the long hours Reporting at The Desk at the Mouth of Hell, more than your ass in the hotseat gets burned.
Heretik, please shut up!
Thanks for the love, Pissed Off Patricia. Where's that War Wench Missouri Mule?
Fine. The Heretik will shut up now and turn things over to Pinko Feminist Hellcat for the announcements, but before he does he has one thing to say:
LAUGH AND BE COUNTED!
LAUGH AND BE COUNTED tmMEMO FROM: Pinko Feminist Hellcat
President-for-Life Announces New Minister Appointments
The response to my competition was overwhelming! It's good to know
that the virtues of nepotism, bribery, and general corruption are not
dead here in the U.S.--or abroad. I'd like to thank all of my new
ministers, and hope they prosper well in their new positions. They'd
better. I expect kickbacks.Drumroll please. . .
Minister for Evolution is The Birdwoman.
Brainwise has asked for, and gotten, two Ministry titles, which means I will get double the kickbacks! I hereby title thee Minister of Illustrated Literature and Minister of the Mudane and Surreal.
Chalicechiq will be known from this moment on as the Minister of Religious Education. Part of the duties of this position is to elimate the "fuzzy bunny crap." The psycho bunny crap is all good--that's the Minister of the Mudane and Surreal's area.
Ravenmn is now the Minister of Ephemera.
Cuddlefish is now the Minister of Sports to promote kick-ass roller derbies as good, clean fun.
Suki Lombard is now the Minister for Choosing.
Arse Poetica is now the Ministress of Polemical Farce, Political Art, and Poetical Arse, or MoPFPAaPA for short.
Femiknitmafia is the Minister of Arts and Crafts, and the Minister of Lesbian Drama. (Maybe we can arrange for Shane from the L Word to be your, um, communications director or something.)
Newswriter is the Minister of Mainstream Media.
Morgaine Swann is the Minister of Matriarchy. Heh heh heh.
The Erudite Redneck is now the Minister of--what else?--Redneck Erudition.
D.E.D. is now Ministry of Second-Wave Outrage and Pro Tennis Hoodoo.
Alex is now the Minister of Fear and Whiskey. The latter will dull the former, but you will be taxed for having both.
sju-sjukskoterska is now the Minister for the Colonies. Just remember Sju, as part of our glorious New Manifest Destiny, I have an affirmative action program in place for those who would like to apply for the position of downtrodden people. Bascially, it's for white folks.
Elfy is the Shadow Minister of Lurkage. When you least expect her. . .expect her.
Andante is the Minister of Ministers.
Zoe is the Minister of Distant Suckholes.
Ms. Jared is the Minister of Snack Foods and Booze.
Michael Bérubé is the Minister of Culture and Beer. (Alcohol does seem to be popular--you boozing ministers will just have to work it out. Or, better yet, you could indulge in some serious public mudslinging. That would be very entertaining, not to mention useful. I'd be able to rip off the Treasury undetected while the NY Times wrong its hands over your naughty behavior.)
Michael thought the Minister of Coffee would be a good title, but I'm holding that for Rook, because he asked for it on Elyane's blog. Ahem, please post here, Rook.
I'm holding the Minister of Whacking Stupid People On The Head, for Head Nurse and Minister of Kicking Your Stupid Right Wing Ass for Hakinimomma. I'm holding the Minister of Duplicity for Marina Voz. What I said to Rook goes for you, too. Post here, and I'll award your ministries officially.
Corndog is the Minister of Science and the Minister of Deep Fried Crunchy Goodness.
Media Girl is the new Bitch Czarina.
Our resident chinchilla-phile, Hugo, is now the Minister for Ecumenical Dialogue, Rodent Protection, and Endurance Athletics
Trish Wilson is the Minister of Motherhood. Go kiss her ring now. She and Hugo can both be co-Ministers of Humorless Trolls, since they both have infestations of that particular type.
Elayne Riggs is now the Minister for Sushi. (Um. . .I'll fogo the kickbacks if you can hook me up with some good toro sashimi. . .)
Pseudo-Adrienne is now the Minister of Angry Virgin Feminists.
Screwy Hoolie is the Minister of Divine Right and Scrutinous Hooliganism.
Mrs. McMuffin is the Minister of the Special Relationship; she will ensure that everyone will know why a British woman will laugh and laugh when you tell her that her husband would look smashing in red suspenders, and why a Yank will look at you funny when you say you'd like a pair of red braces.
Amanda is the Minister of Advice Enforcement.
Lauren is the Minister of Education. She will corrupt the minds of our youth with liberalism and compassion, damn her.
The Minister of Middle Distance is none other than Jo of Spanglemonkey.
Roxanne is our new Minister of Snark.
Kat is the Minister of Body Image.
Francis is now the Minister of Olive Oil. Being on the Côte d'Azur, I'm sure he won't mind too much when we have our annual Ministerial Meeting there.
Ann Bartow is the Minister of Chocolate. It is now an official food group.
Ms. B of Volsunga is the Minister of Re-Education (of Bigots).
Jennifer over at Chaos Theory is the Minister of--what else?--Chaos.
CEPetro is the Minister of Parrot Protection.
Whew! My fingers are sore from all of this typing. I need a vacation. I say we convene our first meeting at the Côte d'Azur.
That's a lie! I have not capitulated. THERE ARE NO WOMEN BLOGGERS! If there were, I'd certainly know about them...
Posted by: NTodd | March 01, 2005 at 12:06 PM
Oh, and totally OT, but are you able to get to Berube today? I can't, and I just wonder if it's my Uppity ISP.
Posted by: NTodd | March 01, 2005 at 12:36 PM
Cote d'Azur? I'll be there. ;)
NTodd, I'm getting Berube just fine. I was having trouble with Blogspot blogs earlier today but now they're coming up.
Posted by: Trish Wilson | March 01, 2005 at 01:34 PM
Trish: Big thing as far as sourcing, enormous tremor in the blogosphere for those who are going to see the emperor with that Vader chica Condoliza Riza. Cote d'Azur is Pinko's bit, not mine. And I'm not going anywere, I'm stuck here at the Mouth of Hell and not leaving anytime soon.
Posted by: The Heretik | March 01, 2005 at 01:49 PM
Thanks--Berube's coming up fine now. F'ing Hughes network sucks ass...
Posted by: NTodd | March 01, 2005 at 03:08 PM
Heretik!
Feministers™! Brilliant. I would much prefer to be a Feminister than a Ministress. Maybe a Ministrix ... hmm.
xo,
ae
P.S. Uppity Women heart smartypants men.
Posted by: ae | March 01, 2005 at 05:10 PM
AE: Look for Update tomorrow where Feministers for Fun in the Battle Between Fun and Evil plot against Darth Riza, Countess Kindaliza.
Posted by: The Heretik | March 01, 2005 at 05:16 PM
no prob getting Berube today, but he's my new boyfriend. As for "TRYING TO GET LAID IN A VERY RIGHT, VERY SMART, LEFTY KIND OF WAY," there are stupider ways to try and do it.
Posted by: Roxanne | March 01, 2005 at 08:38 PM
w00t! Someone appreciates me!
"I'd like to thank the Academy..."
Posted by: CC | March 02, 2005 at 06:34 PM
Good stuff!
(Even though I'm still not on that blogroll!)
:-)
Posted by: Shakespeare's Sister | March 10, 2005 at 03:40 PM
Um... Can I be the DomiMinistrix? Or the sex toy minister? Please?
Posted by: LJ/Aquaria | March 20, 2005 at 11:24 PM
That is good stuff.
I'm still not on that blogroll either! (double sniff) :)
I am trying to get that jpeg to you man..I really am. The blogpartner is up to his eyeballs in real life at the moment.
Posted by: Carla | March 25, 2005 at 04:43 PM