But Stunned Villagers Fail to Take Advantage of the Duke of the Undead’s weakened condition to drive a stake in Count Dickula’s heart. Stakes previously promised by FEMA were nowhere to be found. “Now is not the time for blame-gaming,” declared castle garbage man Scott McClelland. “We need to find more victims.”
A Neutral Chenylvanian Citizen’s Group immediately appeared on FUX News. “Look, there is only one Count Dickula and oh so many critics. What these critics fail to credit Dickula with is the work he does on population control. He is also the reason we have all these blood drives you hear about.”
People for the Ethical Treatment of Vampires (PERV) will be buying air time on the major networks to balance the bias against bloodsuckers.
Rumors That a Lone Villager Shouted, “Go screw yourself, Count Dickula," were discounted with the release of the official Castle transcript which clearly says, “Go love yourself, Count Dickula. (laughter). Go love yourself (applause.)”
Count Dickula Himself Was Unavailable for Comment. A loyal aide indicated Dickula may well be buried again in the security of Wyoming dirt in his undisclosed location. Aides did, however, warn protesters to be wary. Dickula has sucked before and will not be afraid to suck again.