White House: We'll Go to War Again If We Have To

In an off the record conversation, a top Bush Administration official declared, "We'll got to war again if we have to.  We're not backing down on this."

 "We have a crisis here, a crisis in humor," said an unnamed White House source. "If we don't deal with this now,  by 2018 the entire system will flat out bust out laughing."  A reporter from Satirist News Service asked White House Press Secretary Scottie McClellan, "Morale of the troops in Irag has never been lower.  Is it hard for the President to deal with these satirists who can't compromise?"

In other news on the satire front, this just in from: Unconfirmed Sources

Government to Require Satire Site Labeling!

"Truly these are torturous times in the satire biz," said a saddened satirist. "But we can take it.  We're not the kind of people who are gonna come out against regulation, against these frivolous satire law suits. Not yet.  Not until it costs us money "

Another satirist chimed in,  "Unlike with those unfortunate gynecologists President Bush mentioned, no matter what the cost, we are still going to share our love with women.  Lots of women.  As many women as possible."

In other dark news, Vice President Dick Cheney spoke out against satire at the American Enterprise Institute.  Cheney declared, "We clearly see a gathering threat.  If we don't stop this thing now, if we don't stop this today,the whole world will be laughing at us tomorrow.  The satellite pictures don't lie."

At a Senate Hearing, Condoleeza Rice declared, " We have the evidence.  We have the pictures to prove it.  We have pictures of people with their mouths open."

One Democatic senator asked Rice the people with their mouths open were doing something else, possibly eating or just breathing.

"No, senator, no," Rice declared. "People in these satellite photos are laughing at us."

The Government War on Satire.

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